So Call Me Gilan
by HermioneK
Summary: A parody of Carly Rae Jepson's "So Call Me, Maybe." I will make a collection of Ranger's Apprentice parodies, and will accept song requests. If enough of you ask me to, I'll post my dubs on YouTube. Just for you guys.
1. So Call Me Gilan

**Note to user: This product works best when mixed with one part fanboy/girl, two parts hyperness, and the original song. (A.k.a, this is a lot cooler if you listen to the song when you read it.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice by John Flanagan nor "Call Me, Maybe," by Carly Rae Jepsen. This is purely for fun and I make no profit off of it.**

_**UPDATE:**_**VIEW "So Call Me Gilan" HERE:**

**www. youtube watch?v= qs9lw OjGw 4Q& feature = plcp**

**MINUS THE SPACES. PLEASE WATCH IT. IT'S AWESOME. NOT GONNA LIE.**

_**Other Update: **_** Thank you to the lovely Maddelynn Sky Treaty for suggesting I change "missed you so bad" to "feared you so bad". Thanks for the brilliant idea!**

I'm pretty tall and a guy

Don't ask me, I don't know why

I have been told I'm quite sly

And not the least bit shy

I'd trade my sword for a cloak

Don't say my dream is a joke!

They are mysterious folk,

That's what I'll be someday!

Your glare was holdin'

Strange bow, knife was showin'

Hot night, wind was blowin'

Your weird cloak was flowin', Ranger!

Hey, I just met you!

I'm your apprentice!

I'm super nervous…

This is so momentous!

It's hard to look right

At your glaring!

I'm working hard!

Are you even caring?

Hey, I just met you,

And you are crazy!

You want some coffee?

With HONEY, maybe?

And all the farmfolk…

They all fear me.

But here's my smile!

So serve me, maybe?

You gave me knives and a bow,

I shot some awesome arrows,

My face is always aglow.

There's so much I must know!

I beg, and borrow and steal;

Play dressup and it's real!

I didn't know I would feel it,

But I love Rangers!

Your eyes were glinting.

Gathering, horses sprinting.

Your face, it's not hinting,

Where you think you're going, Ranger?

Hey, I just met Will,

And he's stupendous!

We're now best buddies!

So tremendous!

It's hard to look right

At your mocking.

I made a mistake.

Guess it's not shocking…

Hey, we just got here,

And this is creepy!

Hunt some Kalkara,

And don't die, maybe?

And all the farmfolk,

They all fear me.

I'm not a wizard!

So serve me, maybe?

Before you came into my life,

I feared you so bad

I feared you so bad

I feared you so, so bad

Before you came into my life

I feared you so bad

And you should know that

I feared you so, so bad

I'm glad to look right

At your smile.

You say you're proud

Have been for a while

Hey, you have trained me.

And I'm a Ranger.

I've got my oakleaf;

Saving those in danger.

And all the farmfolk,

They all love me!

And here's my oakleaf,

Free service, baby!

Before you came into my life,

I feared you so bad

I feared you so bad

I feared you so, so bad

Before you came into my life

I feared you so bad

And you should know that

I feared you so, so bad

So call me Gilan!

**I had loads of fun writing this. Any requests for the next song? Nothing by Justin Bieber, and preferably no rap. That would be a disaster to try and come up with all those rhymes….**


	2. Suite Life of Halt and Will

**Next up, "Suite Life of Zack and Cody," which I do not own!**

Here is Will in your life!

Here Halt is in Will's!

Yes they have a sweet life…

Most of the time!

Halt and Will got the world to see,

So come on down!

Just Will and Halt know what to do,

So come on down!

It's Halt and Will, and Will and Halt,

They got the cabin to themselves!

Halt and Will got the fame for free,

So come on down!

This is the Ranger life.

They've got a sweet life!


	3. The Ponies' Choice

**So, this is "Ladies' Choice" from **_**Hairspray,**_** which I do not own. This is from Tug's point of view, because I felt it was time for some Tug love. 3 I apologize in advance for typos, it appears my keyboard is not working.**

Hey little mare with the hooves to run

Well come with me, and we'll have some fun!

Hey, little mare take me to the grass!

We'll run and run and run so fast!

Once you browse through the whole selection,

Shake those hooves in my direction!

Bring it back if she never did see

Take me home and then curry comb me!

Shop around with every dollar

I've got to be

The ponies' choice

Ponie's choice

The ponies' choice!

Hey, little mare lookin' for a sale

Test drive this Araluen male

It takes apples to fill my tank

So let's crack open your saddle bags

Hey, little mare, if you're horsey-shopping,

I got something that's traffic-stoppin'!

Hey, little mare on a spending spree

I don't come cheap but the nuzzles come free

On closer inspection I'm sure that you'll agree

I'm the ponies' choice

The ponies' choice

The ponies' choice

Wow!

Hey, little mare, on a running spree

I don't come cheap but my nuzzles come free

On closer inspection I'm sure that you'll agree

I'm the ponies' choice

Oh, hey, little mare, listen to my neigh

I come with a lifetime guarantee

One day maybe we'll find that colt-y makes three!

It's the ponies' choice

I'm the ponies' choice

The ponies' choice, choice, choice

I'm the ponies' choice

**My favorite part was the part about the curry comb. What was yours?**


	4. 5 AM

"**Friday" is by Rebecca Black. For Araluen's sake, my own song-writing is better than that crap. Requested by "****Mychele O'Carrik of Clonmel"**

**Simply general grumbling of a poor apprentice.**

5 a.m., wakin' up in the morning

Gotta be fresh gotta get outside

Gotta have my bow, gotta have arrows

Seein' everything the time is goin'

Tickin' on and on, everything's rustlin'

Gotta get up to the Castle

Gotta do paperwork, I see Crowley!

Apples in the front pack

Arrows in the back pack

Gotta make my mind up,

Which path can I take?

It's 5 a.m., 5 a.m.,

Way too early at 5 a.m.!

Rangers' lookin' forward to the Gatherin', Gatherin'!

It's 5 a.m., 5 a.m.,

Way too early at 5 a.m.!

Rangers' lookin' forward to the Gatherin'!

Rangerin', Rangerin', yeah!

Rangerin', Rangerin', yeah!

Work, work, work, work!

Lookin' forward to my oakleaf!

6 a.m. we're riding on the pathway

Runnin' so fast I just want to sleep

Fun, fun, think about fun

Where is my coffee?

I got some, you got some

My cup is on my right, a-ay,

I got some, you got some!

Now let's drink it!

Apples in the front pack

Arrows in the back pack

Gotta make my mind up,

Which path can I take?

It's 5 a.m., 5 a.m.,

Way too early at 5 a.m.!

Rangers' lookin' forward to the Gatherin', Gatherin'!

It's 5 a.m., 5 a.m.,

Way too early at 5 a.m.!

Rangers' lookin' forward to the Gatherin'!

Rangerin', Rangerin', yeah!

Rangerin', Rangerin', yeah!

Work, work, work, work!

Lookin' forward to my oakleaf!

Yesterday was 12 a.m., 12 a.m.

Today it is early, early

We-we-we so exhausted

We so exhausted

We don't speak proper Araluen, yeah!

Tomorrow is more work

And then more work comes afterwards!

I wish this apprenticeship would end!

It's 5 a.m., 5 a.m.,

Way too early at 5 a.m.!

Rangers' lookin' forward to the Gatherin', Gatherin'!

It's 5 a.m., 5 a.m.,

Way too early at 5 a.m.!

Rangers' lookin' forward to the Gatherin'!

Rangerin', Rangerin', yeah!

Rangerin', Rangerin', yeah!

Work, work, work, work!

Lookin' forward to my oakleaf!

**I'm also completely willing to take requests for scenarios. E.g., "I would like a song about when Will was fighting the Kalkara," or "I want a song about the Rangers and their coffee" or "I want a song about Halt." Please, guys!**


	5. You Ride Me Round

"**You Spin My Head Right Round" by Flo Rida (Which I think is a dumb name, for the record. No offense. :P) featuring Ke$ha. No rights belong to me.**

We ride all day and night, and night

When we track things, when we track things

We ride all day and night, and night

When we track things, when we track things

Walk out the cabin with my swagger

Hop on my horse, yo I got places to go

People to see, time is precious

I look at my pony, so in control

Just like my mind where I'm going

No Celts, no Toscans, no Nihon-Jan peeps

No sleeping on my watch, pay attention

Unlike my rations that's always so cold

I know a storm is coming

My senses keep telling me it's gonna shower

Call up my Rangers it's on and poppin' tonight!

'Cause it's meant to be ours.

We keep away from those Genov's

With poison, runnin' every hour

Look Halty, I owe you just like the horses

Bro, you the truth with all that goody sour

GO!

We ride all day and night, and night

When we track things, when we track things

We ride all day and night, and night

When we track things, when we track things

From the top 'the castle, we run and go down

He got my throwin' my apples around

Ain't got any more tasty treats to be found

We're ridin' hard, hard

From the stables around, we run and go down

He got me chasin' bad guys around

Ain't nothing more tremendous to be found

We're ridin' hard, hard!

HEY!

Shorty must know I'm the man

My apples love him like a number one fan

I open my mouth, and talk to my horse, my red apple treats

A couple of treats, I got tasty treats, my tasty treats makin' him dance

Get jiggy on like the sweet Gatherin'

We killin' bad guys that made out of sand

He's amazin', his fire blazin', hotter than Arrida,

Tug won't you move a little faster?

Time to get paid, it's maximum treats, that horsey belong to a Ranger

I'm in a daze, that meadow is waving at me like dammit I told ya

You want a show like a gun out a holster

Tell me whatever and I'll be ya chauffeur

'Cause…

We ride all day and night, and night

When we track things, when we track things

We ride all day and night, and night

When we track things, when we track things

I'm eating my apples (Aye!)

I'm out of control (Aye!)

Somebody ride me!

He's takin' my apples!

But I'm king of the horses (Aye!)

And I'm wearing the crown (Aye!)

Poppin' those horseshoes

Eatin' these apples

Watching the horses ride hard, hard

We ride all day and night, and night

When we track things, when we track things

We ride all day and night, and night

When we track things, when we track things

**Oh my goodness, I'm almost too embarrassed to post this. Please, no rap, for my sanity. I hope I did this justice for you…*awkward silence* I accidentally deleted the P.M. for who requested this! Sorry! Anyhow, I hope you like it. **

**Sorry for the lame chapter title. All the other ones I came up with were perverted "Will Rides Tug Hard" "Will Rides Tug All Day Long" "Will and Tug Ride Round" Yeah...**


	6. Check 'Yes,' Ranger Will

"**Check 'Yes,' Juliet" from We the Kings. I was thinking about doing this, and then someone requested so I said "Well, two people can't be wrong, eh?" and this was the result. This song is already kind of romantic, so I didn't change that much of it. Hope that's okay…**

**WillxAlyss**

**By the way, a lot of people have been asking for a HaltxPauline song. The only problem is, I've NEVER written anything with Pauline. I think I have an idea for it, though…**

**Don't own this song. Thank you, WTK for making it though. This is a fabulous song, to anyone that hasn't heard it. That whole band in general is great. I wish they'd make more songs…**

Check 'yes,' Ranger Will

Are you alive?

Rain is falling down on the pathway

I won't go until you come to Redmont

Check 'yes,' Ranger Will, kill Skandians

I'll keep writing notes to your cabin

There's no turning back for us tonight

Lace up your boots

Here's how we do

Run, Ranger, run

Don't ever look back

They'll tear us apart

If you give them the chance

Don't sell your horse, don't say we're not

Meant to be

Run, Ranger, run

Forever will be

You and me.

Check 'yes,' Ranger Will

I'll be waiting,

Wishing, wanting, yours for the taking.

Just sneak here, and don't tell Halt goodbye

Check 'yes,' Ranger Will

Here's the countdown

3, 2, 1, I'll fall in your arms now

They can change the locks

Don't let them change your mind

Lace up your boots

Here's how we do

Run, Ranger, run

Don't ever look back

They'll tear us apart

If you give them the chance

Don't sell your horse, don't say we're not

Meant to be

Run, Ranger, run

Forever will be

You and me.

We're flyin' through the night,

We're flyin' through the night

Way up high

The view is scary but better with you

By my side

Run, Ranger, run

Don't ever look back

They'll tear us apart

If you give them the chance

Don't sell your horse, don't say we're not

Meant to be

Run, Ranger, run

Forever will be

You and me.

**I think this song fits them really well. 3 Hope I did it justice.**


	7. According to Horace

"**According to You" belong to Orianthi, not me. So does Will. :'C**

**This is also supposed to be from book one, when Horace teases Will. I know this song is originally a kind of romantic song, but I took it and changed it to how Will loves Halt in a fatherly way. Hope that's cool.**

According to you

I'm puny

I'm tiny

I can't do anything big

According to you

I'm just petite, hard to see

Forever hiding in trees

I'm a joke in a cloak always run and hide

Because I'm not big enough to fight

According to you

According to you

But according to Halt!

I'm curious, incredible

He can't get me out of his hair!

According to him! I'm funny, irrepressible

A son he's always wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it

So, Horace, tell me what I got to lose.

He's training me for everything I'm not,

According to you!

According to you,

I'm squirrel-ish, I'm puny

And you beat me everyday

According to you

I suck at having guts

And I don't even have a name

I'm the boy who's so short,

He can't reach the sink

You're the boy who beats me up for that

According to you…

According to you!

But according to Halt!

I'm curious, incredible

He can't get me out of his hair!

According to him! I'm funny, irrepressible

A son he's always wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it

So, Horace, tell me what I got to lose.

He's training me for everything I'm not,

According to you!

With him I feel appreciated,

Like I'm not hated, oh no!

Why can't you see me through his eyes?

It's too bad you're making me cry!

But according to me,

You're stupid,

You're brawny

You can't do anything nice

But according to Halt!

I'm curious, incredible

He can't get me out of his hair!

According to him! I'm funny, irrepressible

A son he's always wanted

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it

So, Horace, tell me what I got to lose.

He's training me for everything I'm not,

According to you!

According to you,

I'm tiny,

I'm puny,

I can't do anything big.


	8. I Can See the Rangers

**So this one is "I Can Hear the Bells," from Hairspray, which I do not own.**

**There's actually a plot line to this one. It's about a kid (boy or girl) who's in a village, and gets brushed up by a Ranger, and then decides (smartly!) that the Ranger Corps. is **_**the**_** place to be, and they pretty much fall in love with the idea of being a Ranger. In the original song, it's about a girl falling in love and planning her wedding, so for the part where it talks about "walking down the aisle" I replaced it with the **_**King**_** calls the now-Ranger down the aisle to thank them or something, just like for Will in book one. I hope that's cool with you all. If anyone has a better idea, just tell me. **

I can see the Rangers

I can see them shine

Can't'cha feel my heartbeat keeping perfect time?

And all because he…

Touched me

He looked at me and stared, yes he

Bumped me

My life was unprepared when he

Tapped me

And knocked me off my horse

One little touch

Now my life's complete 'cause when he

Nudged me

Dreams put me in a fix, yes they

Hit me

Just like a ton of bricks yes my

Heart burst

Now I know what life's about

One little touch

And life's knocked me out and

I can see the Rangers

My head is spinning

I can see the oakleaves

Something's beginning

Everybody says

That a kid who's small like me

Can't be awesome

Well, just wait and see 'cause

I can see the Rangers

Just watch them shining

I can see the Rangers

My temp'rature's climbing

I can't contain my joy

'Cause I've finally found the life

I've been missin'!

Listen!

I can see the Rangers!

Round One

I'll go to the cabin and then

Round Two

He'll dress me in a cloak because

Round Three's

When we travel by the stars

I'll stay brave and tough

And I'll go pretty far!

Round Four

I'll get my oak leaf and then

Round Five

I'll travel to my fief so by

Round Six

Daddy, much to your surprise

This feather-light champion

Takes the prize and

I can see the Rangers

My mind is spinning

I can see the Rangers

My dreams are reeling

Everybody says

That a kid who's so little

Won't do too much

Well, the laugh's on them 'cause

I can see the Rangers

My father will smile

I can see the Rangers

The King calls me down the aisle

My mother starts to cry

But I can't see 'cause I'm reminiscin'

Listen!

I can see the Rangers

I can see the Rangers

My head is reeling

I can see the Rangers

I can't stop the feeling!

Everybody warns

That they'll never accept me

But I know that they'll look

Inside of me, yeah!

I can see the Rangers

Today's just the start 'cause

I can see the Rangers

I'll always do my part

And even when I die

I'll look down from up above

Remembering the work

That I'm so proud of

I'll shed a tear

And I'll whisper as I'm reminiscin'

Listen!

I can see the Rangers

I can see the Rangers

**Okay, my favorite part, by far, is "this feather-weight champion takes the prize." Makes me feel better about my small stature XD**

**I figured out the secret: I need songs THAT RHYME MOST PREFERABLY and/or plot ideas. Preferrably ones with somewhat of a plot.**


	9. Edge of Regret

**Okay, this is "The Edge of Glory" by Lady Gaga. I. HATE. THIS. SONG. So you better like this chapter, otherwise it wouldn't have been worth it. : D Don't own it, glad I don't. **

**I think you can guess, but this is from the infamous scene in book two when they're talking about saxe knives and Gilan tells Will to take a jump. **

There ain't no reason I should have to fight up close

Tonight, yeah, Gilan, tonight, yeah, Gilan!

And there's a man with an ax who wants to kill me now, tonight!

I need a bow with a string that's not broken

Tonight, yeah, Gilan, tonight, yeah, Gilan!

Right on the sheer drop where I cannot run and hide, tonight!

It's cool to feel the rush, to brush the dangerous!

I'm gonna run right off, jump off the giant cliff

Because I can't use my saxe knife!

I'm on the edge of a cliff

And I'm hanging on to my regret

I'm on the edge of a cliff,

And I'm hanging onto my regret!

I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge!

I'm on the edge of a cliff,

And I'm hanging onto my regret!

I've got no way to fight!

Another fight before I hit the other side

Tonight, yeah, Gilan, tonight, yeah, Gilan!

I'm on the edge of something final we call life, tonight!

Get out your ax, maybe I won't have to jump off

Tonight, yeah, Gilan, tonight, yeah, Gilan!

I wish I knew how to fight with my double scabbard!

It's cool to feel the rush, to brush the dangerous!

I'm gonna run right off, jump off the giant cliff

Because I can't use my saxe knife!

I'm on the edge of a cliff

And I'm hanging on to my regret

I'm on the edge of a cliff,

And I'm hanging onto my regret!

I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge!

I'm on the edge of a cliff,

And I'm hanging onto my regret!

I've got no way to fight!

** I'm thinking of pulling a Will and creating a song that makes fun of Halt. What do you think?**


	10. Everybody Talks

"**Everybody Talks" by Neon Trees. All property belongs to its respectful owners. This is merely for fun.**

**This is from Halt's point of view. It's just about how he's always listening to villagers in inns and stuff, and sometimes, he hears things that he shouldn't. Such as treason towards King Duncan. Then he has to kill them and gets headaches from their incessant talking. Anyone see a moat nearby?**

Hey, buddy, won't you look my way

I can be your new companion

Hey, buddy, what you gotta say?

You're so giving me some treason!

I'm an awesome Ranger and this happens all the time.

I found out that everybody talks

Everybody talks, everybody talks

It started with a whisper

And that was when I killed her

And then she made my hands hurt

I could hear the chit chat

Take me to your back shack.

I have always gotta back track

When everybody talks back

Hey, buddy, you could be in jail

You could be my new prisoner

Too much talk could be a sentence

All this trash talk make me itchin'

Is there a moat?

Everybody talks, everybody talks

Everybody talks too much

It started with a spasm

And that was when I killed him

And then he made my ears hurt

I could hear the chit chat

Take me to your head quart'rs

I have always gotta back track

When everybody talks smack

Never thought I'd live

Ever long enough

Because I'm in danger every day

Hey, buddy, show me your coffee

All you're giving me is bull shit

Hey, buddy, what you got to say

It started with a vague whim

And that was when I killed him

And then he made my head hurt

His fault for stealin' coffee

Take me to your coffee beans

I have always got a Plan B

When nobody's got coffee

Everybody talks

Everybody talks

Everybody talks

Everybody talks

Everybody talks

Everybody talks...smack

It started with a whisper

And that was when I killed her

Everybody talks

Everybody talks…smack

**Okay, the one making fun of Halt will be the next one uploaded, I promise. It's just, I already had this one published so I figured I'd publish it while I was writing the other one. Besides, any chapter is better than no chapter, right?**

**No...?**

**Okay...*hangs head in shame***

**Nah, I'm just kidding guys. : D But don't worry, I actually am writing it. **


	11. Mocking Halt

**Finally! It's done! Enjoy!**

**The third verse is about when Halt and Crowley used to work together, and I could just imagine Crowley poking fun at Halt about that and stuff. And in verse four, I could so just imagine Gilan wanting to keep a stray cat or something, and Halt yelling at him about it. The "please get them away from me," in verse five is Halt interjecting. And of course, verse nine had to be poignant for the end. :3**

**I do not own "Fireflies" by Owl City. Purely for entertainment.**

Gilan:

You would not believe your luck

If Halt and his horse got stuck.

Then you'd have all the coffee,

'Cause Halt hogs it every day

And tries to cart it away!

You'd say "How rude!" but I would just call him "GRAY!"

Will:

Halt once made me sleep in a tree

For mocking him with a song!

It's dumb to say that I'd rather sleep down there when I'm up here

'Cause Halt's temper is never as it seems!

Crowley:

'Cause I'd get knocked out real cold

From Halt's socks with piles of mold!

He can barely shoot an arrow straight!

A saxe knife above my head;

A snare trap beneath my tread,

Halt's sanity is just hanging by a thread!

Gilan:

He, Halt, look at this small kitty,

Is she not so pretty?

It's hard to think that you'd rather banish her when I'm asleep,

'Cause your humor is never as it seems

When I test it out

Gilan:

Halt's hair smells like a stinky goat

_Please get them away from me!_

'Cause he takes baths inside a moat

_Please get them away from me!_

Halt's stomach is getting very round.

_Please get them away from me!_

I don't think he can even see the ground!

Crowley:

To two wacky kids he raised

Halt's weird 'cause he hates to praise

He got misty eyes as I said "more work,"

But he knows where arrows are

If his kids get real bizarre

'Cause he saved a few and his quiver's ajar!

Will:

Hey, Halt, don't you think you've had enough?

Even though coffee's good stuff…

It's hard to admit that you need to go on a diet

Your waistline is never as it seems

You're tight at the seams

Crowley:

Hey, Halt, your face is looking green

Because now we're at seas

It's hard to keep a poker face when watching you be ill

Your stomach is never as it seems

When you're at seas

Will:

I'd like to make myself believe

That Ranger Halt is my dad

It's hard to say that I'd rather take first watch when I'm asleep

Because Halt's the best father that you've seen

_**UPDATE:**_** VIEW "So Call Me Gilan" HERE: **

** www. youtube watch?v= qs9lw OjGw 4Q& feature = plcp**

**MINUS THE SPACES. PLEASE WATCH IT. IT'S AWESOME. NOT GONNA LIE.**


	12. Teenage Ranger Boys

**Sorry for the long delay, guys, I was on vacation looking at colleges. I really liked Kenyon. They have a quidditch team too! :D**

"**California Gurls" rights belong to Katy Perry. Request by Mychele O'Carrik of Clonmel. I don't think this is what you had in mind, but I'm hoping it's better.**

**Sorry for the weird spacing. Something's up with Fanfiction and/or Microsoft Word.**

**Not gonna tell you what this one's about. ; D I'm not gonna lie, I think this one is really good.**

_**UPDATE:**** VIEW "SO CALL ME GILAN" HERE: (minus the spaces)**_

** www . youtube watch ? v=qs9l wOjG w4Q**

I have a place  
Where the cupboard's really empty;  
Cold, dark, and bare  
There must be some apprentices here!  
Eatin' soup and stew  
Hiding underneath the pine trees!  
The boys  
break my bank,  
Try'na to take a "little" snack break.  
Yeah, right!

You could search my whole cupboard,  
but nothing is here,  
I'm going broke I fear!  
When they gobble my food,

I am yelling at them!  
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

My apprentices!  
They gobble everything!  
Chicken, stew,  
there just is no stop!  
Forks and knives,

They eat

me out of house and home.

Oooooh Oh Oooooh

Will and Gilan's  
Hunger's unquenchable  
Big and fierce  
Metabolisms!  
Got no money left,  
When is my paycheck?  
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

Cash on the way!  
Better hurry up and get here!  
We need  
some more food  
To satisfy the apprentices.

I have seen everything,  
but nothing compares  
to apprentices.  
When they enter the cabin  
I'm losin' my pay check!  
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

Teenage, Ranger boys  
they will eat everything!  
Potatoes  
with gravy on top!  
Vegetables  
and fruit  
Will you stop eating yet?  
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

Will and Gilan  
They once ate a whole pig  
Were so sick  
the rest of the night

It was so funny,  
they'll never live it down!  
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

My apprentices!  
They will eat everything,  
Apple pies,  
with ice cream on top!  
Their horses  
cannot  
lift them anymore  
They are so fa-at, they are so fa-at!

Will and Gilan's

metabolisms are  
huge and fierce,  
they're out of control!  
I need some help, please,  
what should I do with them?  
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

Apprentices, apprentices  
Teenage, Ranger boys, man  
I really wish you all would please  
stop eating  
Apprentices!

**Halt: Will you two ever STOP eating? And, you, Gilan, you need to stop growing!**

**Will: *eats four-legged chicken***

**Gilan: I'll stop growing when your stomach does. *eats stew***


	13. Best Rangers in Town

**Up next, "The Nicest Kids in Town," also from **_**Hairspray,**_** which I also do not own.**

**Yes, I realize that they would definitely NOT have TV's in Araluen, but I got the idea in my head, and it was just too funny not to write down.**

Hey there, Araluen folk!

Don't change that channel!

'Cause it's time for the Crowley's Rangers Show!

Brought to you by King Duncan!

Ev'ry afternoon when the clock strikes four

A crazy bunch of Rangers crash through that door, yeah

Well they throw on their cloaks

And leave the wars behind

And then they shake it, shake it, shake it

like they're losin' their minds.

You'll sometimes see them frown

But they're the best Rangers in town

So every afternoon

You turn your TV on

And we know you turn the sound up when your farmwork is done, yeah

And then you twist and shout

For the best Ranger

And when you've practiced every move

That's in your repertoire

You better not come on down

And meet the best Rangers in town

Nice Rangers

Who like to lead the way

And once a month

We have our "civilian day!"

And I'm the man who keeps it spinnin' round

Mr. Ranger Crowley

With the latest, greatest, Araluen sound!

So every afternoon

Drop everything woo!

Who needs to farm and till

When you can track and kill?

Forget about your paperwork and farmers' work.

You can always do it all on commercial break

Can tell a trick from a treat

They're the best Rangers in town!

ROLL CALL!

I'm Crowley!

Will!

Gilan!

Skinner!

Geldon!

Clarke!

Bartell!

Peter!

Seamus!

Joey!

Meralon, Berrigan, Aidan, Paulie!

Ardal!

Bartal!

And I'm…HALT! *cue girls screams*

So, if every night you're shaking

As you lie in bed

Shake it, baby!

And the pick and plows

Are pounding in your head

Who cares about sleep

When you can buy coffee?

They've never been to college

But they sure look cool!

They got a cloak and bow

And they're the best Rangers in town!

Best Rangers in

Rangers in town!

Woo!

**Note: I said "better NOT come on down" because most people fear Rangers, so I figured they'd enjoy a TV show about them, but not want to meet twenty-so of them at one time. Besides, I think that'd be scary to be in a room with a bunch of Rangers for a normal civilian. And instead of "Negro Day," they have civilian day where any Araluen citizen that's brave enough can join them XD**

**Also, if you were to "twist and shout for the best Ranger," who would it be?**

**How 'bout some nice, pretty reviews for me? I mean, I just had my first day of school. In the _middle_ of August! Wouldn't it be so very nice of you to give me a review?**

**(Normally I don't beg for reviews, but lately it's been the same three people. [Not that I don't appreciate you guys!] But seriously, what happened to the rest of my readers? Bralt? Ranger 51? ...you there?)**


	14. Bohemian Willsody

"**Bohemian Rhapsody" belongs to Queen. I have no rights to the song. Or Ranger's Apprentice.**

**So, since this song is already a ballad, I figured t'would be good for a parody-ballad. I took Will from book one and just wrote a song about the Choosing. Now, **_**THIS SONG WILL NOT MAKE SENSE UNLESS YOU LISTEN TO THE ORIGINAL**_**.**

**I know "Bohemian Rhapsody" will seem super weird when you first listen to it (it did when I did) but just give it a chance, it's actually a great song.**

**Woah, I'm SO SORRY for not updating for so long! Btw, have you guys all seen "So Call Me Gilan"? It's up on YouTube :D**

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a castle

No escape from reality

I'll open my eyes,

Look up to the trees and see

I'm just a poor boy, I wanna be a knight

Because I'm climbing walls, climbing trees,

Way up high, way down low

Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me…..to me.

Daddy, you were a knight

Led battle at Hackham Heath

Were a hero in the war

Daddy, when will my life begin?

I wanna be a hero someday.

Daddy, ooh, didn't mean to be so small

If my growth spurt doesn't happen by tomorrow

I won't be, I won't be a knight in shining armor.

Too late, the time has come

Sends shivers down my spine

Body's aching all the time

Goodbye, battle school, I've got to go

Gotta leave it all behind and face the truth

Daddy, I don't wanna die

I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

I see a little silhouetto of a man

Ranger Halt, Ranger Halt, will you tell Baron Arald?

Glaring frowns and silence, very, very fright'ning me!

_Battleschool! _Ranger Corps.!_ Battleschool!_ Ranger Corps.! _Battleschool!_ Ranger Corps. Oh no!

Ranger Corps! I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me.

He's just a poor boy, from a poor family

Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Climbing high, in the dark, will you letme go?

Brouhaha! No, we will not let you go!

_Let me go!_ Brouhaha, we will not let you go!

_Let me go!_ Brouhaha, we will not let you go!

_Let me go!_ We'll not let you go! Aaahhhh.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh, Baron Arald, Baron Arald, Baron Arald, let me go!

"The Ranger Corps. has an apprenticeship for you, _for you, FOR YOU!"_

So you think you can take me and Ranger-fy me?

So you think you can train me and leave me to die?

Oh, Arald, can't do this to me, Arald!

Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here!

Nothing really matters,

Anyone can see

Nothing really matters

Nothing really matters….to me.

Any way the wind blows!

**I really liked the part where Will said "If I don't get my growth spurt by tomorrow" XD**

**Also, the "sihlouetto of a man" is when Will climbs in the dark and Halt grabs him. Remember Will thought he would get punished? That's where the "will you let me go" part came from. And then I used "Brouhaha" because in book two, Arald and Pauline have a little jibe about it. ^^ **

**I wish I could just poof to you and explain this song, or provide a track with commentary or something, but I can't. Hope this kind of made sense to you.**

**Still lookin' for song suggestions!**


	15. Hey, Halt O'Carrick

**A/N: Thank you to "TheRiptide45" for this song suggestion. "****S1lv3r3agl3****" I checked out "We are the Others," and I really liked it. I would have done a chapter for it, but I think the song already fits the Rangers so well. I'll look into it some more.**

**_Shameless self-advertising_: I have a new Ranger's Apprentice story called "The New Oakleaf" and hardly anyone has read it yet. I'm thinking you guys might be interested? Read it for me, as a birthday present? Hm? *Desperatemuch?***

**Edit: Original song "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train.**

**Without further ado, Enjoy the song! :D**

Your dirt-smeared cheeks underneath the cowl of your cloak.

I knew that you were so shy, and so I went and let you take your time.

Your archery

Your tracking, knife-throwing and love of coffee.

Even though our worlds are different,

I remember when we first met,

And I fell in love.

Hey, Halt O'Carrick, will you come and save us from the Temujai, Skandians, the way you shoot ain't fair you know.

Hey, Halt O'Carrick, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do

Tonight

About time! I'm so glad you found the guts to marry me.

You gave your fief protection!

A silent, shy connection.

Our love will fly!

You're so distressed!

Your leaf is bound to beat right off your muscled chest.

I believe in you!

You're a Ranger, you're amazing!

And I'm always gonna want to blow your mind!

Hey, Halt O'Carrick, you will get your shaggy hair trimmed, at the hair cut place,

Get that scruffy beard cut off your face.

Hey, Halt O'Carrick, I don't wanna see a single hair out of place

Tonight.

The way you can shoot a bow.

Watchin' you's the only drug I need.

A courier, I'm so in love,

You're the only one I'm dreaming of you see.

I can be myself now finally,

In fact, there's nothing I can't be,

I want the world to see you be with me.

Hey, Halt O'Carrick, ain't that William Treaty comin' over here?

Better see him, dear

You're a pretty good father, I hear.

Hey, Halt O'Carrick, I don't want to miss a single second with you

Hey, Halt O'Carrick, I don't want to miss a single second with you

Tonight

**What's an 'ado'? Favorite parts? Read mah new story?**


	16. He Wants to be King

**Hello! Thank you to "Imagination Queen" for the idea about Halt and Ferris. I loooooove that topic. John Flanagan should write a prequel/backstory thing about that. It's very interesting.**

**Anyhow, in case you haven't figured it out, spoilers for BOOK EIGHT follow.**

**...On with the show! "A Team" by Ed Sheeran.**

Sneered lips, dark face,  
Lookin' 'round with disgrace.  
Bad shrimp, sour taste.  
Hope's gone, eyes dry,

Struggling to not cry.  
Big fights, bitterness.

And they say,  
He wants to be King.

Stuck in his daydream,  
Been this way since sixteen,  
But lately his mind seems  
Slowly thinking, wasting,  
He's too shamed to face me.  
And it seems  
The worst things in life come free to us.  
'Cause we're just a pair of royalty.  
He's gone mad with disloyalty.  
And I don't want to be king here, Ferris.  
And so I run away from my only home,

And give up the royal throne.  
He's too mad inside  
For him to be my brother  
For him to be my brother.

Boat trip, death blow.  
Tried to swim and stay afloat.  
Dry house, wet clothes.  
Hit me, now foes,  
Teary-eyed, dry throat.  
Abdicate? No go.

And they say,  
He wants to be King.

Stuck in his daydream,  
Been this way since sixteen,  
But lately his mind seems  
Slowly thinking, wasting,  
He's too shamed to face me.  
And it seems  
The worst things in life come free to us.  
'Cause we're just a pair of royalty.  
He's gone mad with disloyalty.  
And I don't want to be king here, Ferris.  
And so I run away from my only home,

And give up the royal throne.  
He's too mad inside  
For him to be my brother  
For him to be my brother.

Killing tonight.  
Close eyes,

Running for my own life.  
This time, I'll leave you tonight,  
Just let you shine.

And they say,  
He wants to be King.

Stuck in his daydream,  
Been this way since sixteen,  
But lately his mind seems  
Slowly thinking, wasting,  
He's too shamed to face me.  
And it seems  
The worst things in life come free to us.  
'Cause we're just a pair of royalty.  
He's gone mad with disloyalty.  
And I don't want to be king here, Ferris.  
And so I run away from my only home,

And give up the royal throne.  
He's too mad inside  
For him to be my brother  
For him to be my brother.

Him to be my brother.  
Brother, brother  
Him to be my brother  
Brother, brother  
For him to be my brother.

**Review? Pretty pretty please? Look at the level I've stooped to...begging for reviews. *Puppy dog face* Do it because I'm currently on crutches and you feel sorry for me?**

**Favorite parts? Oh, and I would really love scene requests.**


	17. Want Halt Back

**Hello! I just wanna say thank you to all of you that read this and review it. It means a lot to me, and I wouldn't be writing this without you guys.**

**So, today while I was driving, this idea struck me, and I just cracked up. I still do, in fact...two hours later...**

**This is about Gilan and him being jealous of Will and Halt being best buds together. Sung from his point of view, except the rap part.**

**Don't own "Want U Back" by Cher or whomever it is.**

Uh!  
Mmm, yeah.  
La la la la laaa  
Uh!

Hey, Halt, you never had much thrill  
Thought I needed to be skilled  
So I went and walked away way way  
Uh  
Now, I see you've been hanging out  
With that other boy in town  
Looking like a pair of clowns clowns clowns  
Uh

Remember all the things that you and I did first?  
And now you're doing them with him  
Remember all the things that you and I did first?  
You got me, got me like this  
Uh  
And now you're taking him on every deadly quest  
And everywhere we went, come on!  
And now you're taking him on every deadly quest  
You got me, got me like this  
Uh

Halt, you can say anything you wanna  
Train someone else? No, you're never gonna  
I want you back  
I want you back  
Wa-want you, want you back  
Uh  
Graduated, thinking you'd be cryin'  
Now I feel like shh looking at you flyin'  
I want you back  
I want you back  
Wa-want you, want you back  
Uh

Please, he is really a joke  
Don't be givin' him false hope  
Tryin' to rock that ugly cloak, cloak, cloak  
Uh  
You clearly didn't think this through  
If what I've been told is true  
You'll be crawling back like boo hoo hoo  
Uh

Remember all the things that you and I did first?  
And now you're doing them with him  
Remember all the things that you and I did first?  
You got me, got me like this  
Uh  
And now you're taking him on every deadly quest  
And everywhere we went, come on!  
And now you're taking him on every deadly quest  
You got me, got me like this  
Uh

Halt, you can say anything you wanna  
Train someone else? No, you're never gonna  
I want you back  
I want you back  
Wa-want you, want you back  
Uh  
Graduated, thinking you'd be cryin'  
Now I feel like shh looking at you flyin'  
I want you back  
I want you back  
Wa-want you, want you back  
Uh

Ohhh, I thought you'd still be mine  
When I told you goodbye uh oh uh oh  
Ohhh, and you might be with him  
But I still had you first uh oh uh oh

_[Astro - rap verse]_  
Let's go! Astro!  
We used to be, but now there's a separation between you and me  
Baby I'm moving on to an apprentice that understands me more  
Trained him in front your fief so you can see it all  
I remember the times, when we used to bond  
But I never realized that you wanted to be mine  
So I gave him the leaf, instead of you, last name too  
I can tell that you're upset, because it ain't you  
Met a new boy, and I trained him better  
Not noticing that you wanted me from the very start  
You want me back?  
We're only colleagues, don't try this thing all over again

Ohhh-Oh-oh-oh  
Halt, you can say anything you wanna  
Train someone else? No, you're never gonna  
I want you back  
I want you back  
Wa-want you, want you back  
Uh  
Graduated, thinking you'd be cryin'  
Now I feel like shh looking at you flyin'  
I want you back  
I want you back  
Wa-want you, want you back  
Uh

(Let me know)

Ohhh, I want you back  
I want you back  
Wa-want you, want you back  
Uh

Ohhh, I want you back  
I want you back  
Wa-want you, want you back  
Uh

Does this sound like a bow and arrow?! (bbbbbbrrrrrddddd)

**Oh, and this WILL be made into a video, as soon as my leg heals.**


End file.
